As I look back on my recent dating history, there is a recurring theme. I’m not talking about how I consistently chose douchebags to date…wait…maybe that does mesh with this theme. Ok, well, yea…I chose a LOT of idiots to date.
So scratch that intro. However, there were only possibly two or three that I REALLY wanted to get involved with beyond sex…One is a fairly good friend of mine now…He really doesn’t fall into the douche category. But there are a couple out there who sorta broke my heart a little (I say a little because I didn’t fully fall for them, but I liked them enough that maybe I could???).
All the dudes that I liked dumped me in some capacity or another…after mutual discussions of wanting to date each other either exclusively or seriously (dunno what the difference is but essentially “seriously dating” is a non-definition of “wanting-to-be-exclusive-but-not-defining-it-in-those-parameters-for-now” explanation) the quasi-relationship between us was short-lived and they essentially lost their damn minds and jumped ship…I can say with 1000% honestly that in no way did I go batshit crazy. These guys up and decided in a very short time frame that they couldn’t handle me at 100% (which is all I really give for anything) so with a shallow explanation (or none at all in some cases) they exited my life…And so I healed and moved on. Every time. Without “breakup” texts or too many tearful nights. I know my worth. Apparently they had a hard time negotiating my market value…which is why they’re piss-poor in the love market now.
As a caveat, I will say that I truly do understand the life circumstance of “it’s just not working out.” I get it. I’ve used that explanation a couple of times with the truest sincerity. HOWEVER….
So months go by, my life continues and all of a sudden my phone starts blowing up with texts from not one, not two, but all THREE guys who dumped me in some way over a period of 8 months…And I’m talking within a month or so of simultaneous “I want you back” texts.
What. The. Ever. Living. Fuck?
- One guy, after a month or so of dating, didn’t like something I said so stood me up on a planned date and never called. You know how that pisses me off (to be fair, he apologized about two months later, and I do think ultimately he is a good guy…just momentarily misguided)
- One guy decided that I was too honest and it hurt his feelings so he let me go (to be fair, he apologized about two months later, and he is also ultimately a good guy…but, as before, momentarily misguided)
- And one guy had expressed liking me and wanting to date me, then promptly decided to get into a relationship with another girl a week later…(no apologies…just random text)
Yup. They’ve all texted, called or contacted me in one capacity or another wanting to have another go — they’ve seen the proverbial error of their ways and have decided that I was truly a great catch and they fucked it all up with their immaturities and egos…Except that last one…I think all he wanted was sex, but whatevs.
Let me say this in no uncertain terms: I AM a great catch. I knew it then. I know it now. I have not changed one iota in the last 8 months. I’m still smart, quasi-successful, fun, quick-witted and rockin’ life. What I want – scratch that – what I NEED in a man is someone who recognizes that from the get go; he may be a little intimidated (fair enough) but not so much so that he jumps ship because I say something he may not like or that he’s still one foot out the door looking for something a little less challenging.
I don’t need nor want an instant relationship – I like the getting to know you phase. But, what you see with me is what you get. Obviously we all have a little hidden insecurities or nuances that may trickle out as a relationship progresses, but I’m not hiding anything detrimental to a successful, healthy relationship. As Popeye said, “I yam what I yam and that’s all what I yam.”
So why do men think that after they hurt a gal, they can come back to her and she’ll forget everything they did? Pain subsides, but it has amazing recall. I get that people make mistakes and stupid decisions. And, moreover, I get that men make a GREAT MANY idiotic mistakes and decisions. I guess I can’t fault them for taking a few months for thoughtful contemplation…but I highly doubt that’s what they did…My theory is that they saw all the other options out there for them and came to the realization that they had something that could have been pretty good if they had had the balls to stick around and find out.
I know each situation is different, but the bottom line is, once a strong lady is dissed, there’s a very high probability she won’t be re-visiting the source of the heartache.
Guys (in general…all guys), I don’t judge you for coming to the realization that you fucked up…in fact, I’m proud of you…but if I were you, I would be very cautious before reaching out to the lady you fucked over…or at least prepare yourself for getting the boot. I’m not saying all of them will reject your efforts…but the ones who are strong will have learned their lesson after you obliterated their heart and will keep that iron cage locked over it to protect themselves from your misguided and assholishly (yes I made that word up) late efforts.
I am not a backup plan and I am definitely not going to be anyone’s second choice.