“Desire” gets you love. “Need” gets you crazy.

we can do it copyFIRST of all – I’m not searching for a boyfriend.  I’m just observing and learning along the way…That said:

I make my own money.  I have a couple of degrees.  I’m fairly successful.  I’m confident.  I know what I want (most of the time) in life.  I work hard.  I’m well traveled.  I have a lot of responsibilities that I handle on my own.  Essentially, I’m the most low-maintenance potential girlfriend EVER.  I don’t need for anyone.  I don’t NEED a man.  I have my shit handled………………………………………But because I do, I have a massively limited dating pool.  What I’m finding out in this dating game is that most men NEED to be NEEDED.  They’re intimidated (thus quick to eliminate) by self-made women such as myself… Because of our strong game, we tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to love.  I am NOT looking for sympathy or for anyone else to tell me to “be patient” or that “there’s someone out there for me” or any other well-meaning-but-misplaced-words-of-encouragement.  Though I know people feel like they need to say something, they really don’t.  Whether or not there is actually someone out there for me, I’m going to be ok.  As I said.  I don’t NEED anything.  But that doesn’t take away from the desire to share my successes (and failures) and happiness (and hard times) with someone of my equal.

When women of my caliber actually CHOOSE to be with a particular man, he should be counting his lucky stars because we come with very little baggage and little to no drama.

I hear men complain about women who are batshit cray or who are clingy or any other description of a needy bitch, and I think to my self that these men are just as bad as the women they date — they’re CHOOSING these types of women (for one reason or another).  Then they act all surprised when drama hits the fan…I guess they keep choosing these women because, as some basic animalistic level, they NEED to be  NEEDED.

I keep capitalising “need” because there is a huge difference between a necessity and a desire.   One NEEDS basic survival elements of life (food, shelter, etc).  Doesn’t that sound so un-romantic???  When one wants to be with someone, though, that means that, above all other options, they have a desire for that person.  And that has to be the most special of all relationships, right?  I mean, I’d rather be desired than needed…I don’t have the patience to stroke egos.

I’m rambling now, but the question I’m trying to get at is this:  Can strong, independent females really “have it all?”  The longer I play in this dating arena, I unearth more and more evidence that supports a conclusion to the contrary.

So, how does one convince another that a DESIRE to be with them is a much more emotionally stable feeling than a NEED to be with them?

“Desire” gets you love.  “Need” gets you crazy.  Why do men keep choosing crazy????


  1. Hoo boy do I feel ya on this one. I read an article recently that showed the data on how few options smart successful women really have when it comes to the dating pool. It was interesting and somewhat disheartening all at the same time. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My great grandmother married young and was a widow way before she should have been. She raised 4 kids and worked a mill job for years on her own with occasional help from other relatives. Having a good, rewarding life is possible without people of my gender. You can do it without the feeling of loneliness if you do it right.


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