Well. It’s my last week of being 36…I know, I know…some of you out there say 36 is still young, etc…HOWEVER, in the realm of all I want to accomplish and do in my life, turning 37 is abso-fucking-lutely scary. I know I blog a lot about dating, and I make fun of some of the dates I’ve been on and online profiles, etc…but let me be real for a sec.
I really and truly do want to find love again one day and I’d like to have a family one day…what that translates into for my age is that my time is dwindling for that family part. And here are the three reasons why — (1) I’m getting to a “risky” age in actually carrying a child…I’m definitely not opposed to adopting but I’d like to have both options (some people are like ’37 is a good age to get preggers’ and i’m like ‘yes…but I’m not getting knocked up by the first guy I see…there’s a process to having a family that I’d like to do….like, oh, I don’t know…fall in love’); (2) most of the men I’m meeting/dating already have children — which is not a problem for me, but they may have already tapped out on family expansion and are just looking for a less complicated relationship (fair enough, but that just limits my dating pool); and thirdly (3) Some men have made it this far in life and have decided they don’t want children…so – odds really are sorta stacked against me on the family part. If I didn’t have that factor in the mix, I’m sure I wouldn’t have such a difficult time attracting and retaining (yes, that is some romantic terminology there. Yes I am in marketing).
None of this is to say that I’m in a position to jump into a relationship no holds barred…there’s a selection and getting to know you process that is mandatory for a relationship in general. I’m not one to skip that part. And because I’m divorced, I need to do a THOROUGH vetting before that relationship is pursued cuz this shit ain’t happening twice.
So, long explanation to the fact that, in the growing days until I change over to the 37, I’m starting to really reflect on what I’ve done and what’s the most important shit to me. I’m a list girl so I’ll just go ahead and do that shit right here:
SHIT I’VE DONE THAT MAKES ME PROUD:
- I make a great living (despite certain attitudes about it) and can support myself comfortably
- I’ve visited over 30 countries on this planet, most of them whilst traveling solo, so I feel as if my personality has been multi-culturally influenced.
- I’m a damn good Aunt — super proud of my niece and nephew
- Got through undergrad and grad school…so…there’s that.
- I left a marriage from a really good man because I wasn’t happy; instead of faking it the rest of my life. *I say I’m proud of this because a lot of women stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of vows. Even if the guy was good (which my ex-husband is)…sometimes it takes leaving to really see just how unhappy you really were…And I feel it was a brave move on my part to take ownership of finding my happiness.
- I’m a decent and honest human being…regardless of my rants against the stupid people of this world, I treat everyone as I would want to be treated…unless they piss me off then the levy breaks and a torrent of profanity, sarcasm and passive aggression may ensue. Maybe…. most likely… It will
- I have AMAZING friends and family. Now, I’m not sure if I actually did that or not, but their amazingness and undying love and support have been the icing to my life. If I had nothing else above save them, I would still feel as if my life was full of accomplishment. Because I like icing.
So, yea…37 is coming. And though I don’t feel it nor look it (I think), it is a real number and with that number comes real-life shit associated with it. I think I’m going to have to get off online dating and meet people the old-fashioned way…through alcohol and poor judgement.