phone-fear2When I was a young tot, I learned to read and write at a very early age.  And with that special power, I discovered the art of argument and negotiation.  To this day my mom claims she still has notes I used to slip under her door detailing my case of why the punishment I was having to endure was unjust and cruel.  I would explain point-by-point the situation for which I was unfairly suffering and I would underline the exact reasons why SHE was wrong..

Fast forward thirty-some-odd years…I’m no lawyer, and I still do this but in the form of verbal berating rather than elementary cursive.  Words are super powerful — especially when you take a stance and believe what you’re saying with every fiber of your being and not just arguing for the sake of being right.  But the key word here is verbal — in the age of digital everything it seems we have lost our ability to use words fluently (or at all) because we’re so busy abbreviating into text talk.

Texting is such an ambiguous form of communication — there are no interpersonal cues (except emoticons but really, is there an emoticon for sarcasm?) and sometimes info gets lost in translation. Especially when someone texts you 16 screens of a conversation they could have had verbally in less time than it took them to type out that message.  Top that off with the fact that I’m not even going to read multiple screen texts so you just wasted your time sending me 16 screen-fulls of auto correct hell.  Texting, at it’s core, is supposed to be an abbreviated form of communication — not fucking War and Peace.

A while back I went on a couple of dates with this guy who apparently had an aversion to the art of conversation…he would text me long diatribes of his history and how he was raised and how much he loved his family, etc…all things that I would have loved to hear via face to face.  But this dude kept blowing my phone up with literally five screen-fulls of abbreviated explanations of why he DIDN’T like one-on-one comms…he said that he’s not a good conversationalist.  Which is weird, right?  Since everything he texted me could have actually been words he could, oh, I dont’ know…read aloud??…makes no goddamned sense to me.  Eventually I stopped reading his texts and just ignored him…he had to go.

I GET that talking on the phone is annoying and time sucking…you can’t necessarily multitask too much whilst having an actual conversation; but dudes (and broads) — there are some explanations that require actual voice activation rather than long diatribes of text.  If you’re “not a good conversationalist,” then maybe you should rethink the whole dating thing — because it actually IS a requirement that you have a speak to your sig other every now and then.  No one is asking you to quote or make up sonnets — just open your mouth and let SOME words come out for fucks’ sake…



  1. People are brave when it comes to digital communications. Now put those people together in the same room for a meal or just in a casual setting then its a whole other ball game.


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