Fellas — and ladies — online dating is a fucking nightmare.  But we’re all doing it so let’s try to make the process as easy as possible.  I didn’t ever think I would need to go into a diatribe of the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of online dating but apparently I do!

It’s not hard to remember the social rules of online dating…but more and more dudes seemingly need a gentle reminder (i.e. throat punch) on how to interact with someone…women in particular.  If you made a mistake and swiped right instead of left, or starred someone who you have changed your mind about, don’t be a passive aggressive asshole in the convo…if you’re not interested, exit stage left. If you ARE interested, ask fucking questions.

Recently, here is a snippit of a convo I had with a dude that “matched” with me.  True story.

Me:  “Morning!  I’m Regan.  Since you don’t have any bio info yet, I can’t pick something out to be sarcastic about.  How was your eve?

Him: “Didn’t sleep well.  Kept waking up all night.  Oh well TGIF.”  How are you this morning?” 

My Brain:  ok.  so what the fuck is your name?  Cuz here in Texas, if you don’t intro yourself it’s considered fucking rude

Me:  “I’m doing great now that it’s Fri.  Heading to Austin manana to do family things.  What about you?”

Him:  “I’ll be getting my son around 6 today for the weekend.  Other than that I haven’t made any plans”

My Brain: …………..?????……??????  Just waiting for the ball to be bounced back, dude.

Me:  (ok.  I bite) “Nice.  How old is your kiddo?”

Him:  “4, my little mini lol”

My Brain: ……..?????……?????  waiting for something substantial.  I’m done asking the questions here.

Me: “Good age.” (two can play at the mundane convo game)

Him:  “For sure.  He’s finally getting into all sorts of activities.  Baseball, karate, gymnastics, and swimming.”

My Brain: …….??????…..?????  At least he had the correct use of punctuation in that sentence.

Me: (biting the bullet one.  last.  time) “You sound like a very proud dad.”  

Him: “Well duh lol”   — long pause since I’m not responding at this point — “What part of town do you live in??”

My Brain: FINALLY – a semblance of a “getting to know you” question.”  Maybe he has hope.

Me: “XXXX.  You?” (I really didn’t put those x’s in, but I don’t need to broadcast where I live on this blog)

Him:  “XXX, too close to not to get together LOL

My Brain: Was that a backdoor invitation for a date?  …….ok, I’ll give it one last ditch effort.

Me:  “What do you like to do for fun?”

Him: “I’m pretty much up for anything.”

I’m out, people.


  1. Amazed he lasted after the second lol. Catfish on Hulu seems to verify how many jerks are out there, men and women.


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