Fellas — and ladies — online dating is a fucking nightmare.  But we’re all doing it so let’s try to make the process as easy as possible.  I didn’t ever think I would need to go into a diatribe of the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of online dating but apparently I do!

It’s not hard to remember the social rules of online dating…but more and more dudes seemingly need a gentle reminder (i.e. throat punch) on how to interact with someone…women in particular.  If you made a mistake and swiped right instead of left, or starred someone who you have changed your mind about, don’t be a passive aggressive asshole in the convo…if you’re not interested, exit stage left. If you ARE interested, ask fucking questions.

Recently, here is a snippit of a convo I had with a dude that “matched” with me.  True story.

Me:  “Morning!  I’m Regan.  Since you don’t have any bio info yet, I can’t pick something out to be sarcastic about.  How was your eve?

Him: “Didn’t sleep well.  Kept waking up all night.  Oh well TGIF.”  How are you this morning?” 

My Brain:  ok.  so what the fuck is your name?  Cuz here in Texas, if you don’t intro yourself it’s considered fucking rude

Me:  “I’m doing great now that it’s Fri.  Heading to Austin manana to do family things.  What about you?”

Him:  “I’ll be getting my son around 6 today for the weekend.  Other than that I haven’t made any plans”

My Brain: …………..?????……??????  Just waiting for the ball to be bounced back, dude.

Me:  (ok.  I bite) “Nice.  How old is your kiddo?”

Him:  “4, my little mini lol”

My Brain: ……..?????……?????  waiting for something substantial.  I’m done asking the questions here.

Me: “Good age.” (two can play at the mundane convo game)

Him:  “For sure.  He’s finally getting into all sorts of activities.  Baseball, karate, gymnastics, and swimming.”

My Brain: …….??????…..?????  At least he had the correct use of punctuation in that sentence.

Me: (biting the bullet one.  last.  time) “You sound like a very proud dad.”  

Him: “Well duh lol”   — long pause since I’m not responding at this point — “What part of town do you live in??”

My Brain: FINALLY – a semblance of a “getting to know you” question.”  Maybe he has hope.

Me: “XXXX.  You?” (I really didn’t put those x’s in, but I don’t need to broadcast where I live on this blog)

Him:  “XXX, too close to not to get together LOL

My Brain: Was that a backdoor invitation for a date?  …….ok, I’ll give it one last ditch effort.

Me:  “What do you like to do for fun?”

Him: “I’m pretty much up for anything.”

I’m out, people.