charlotte-bronte-novelist-i-feel-monotony-and-death-to-be-almost-the….nothing right now.  That’s what.  For the past 8 months I’ve been stuck in a cycle of monotony – same shit different day.  I AM NOT A FUCKING MONOTONOUS PERSON (don’t misread that as ‘monogamous.’)!  I can’t function if my life is ‘normal.’  My personality thrives on stress and adrenaline-fueled crisis management.  I thrive in environments where I need to multitask and make quick, strategic decisions.  And  I am SO not in that environment and I’m ‘THIS’ close to making a rash decision in order to shake my world up a bit.

So, by ‘rash’ I really mean a well-thought-out-pros-and-cons-weighed decision…but the decision itself will make life a bit more interesting.  I’m not talking about anything SUPER life-altering like having a baby or changing my gender…but when I’m left to a life of uniformity my mind starts going a bit crazy.

I’ve gone down the depression path and that life doesn’t suit me…I’ve given up online dating completely because that’s not the type of crazy I want nor need in life….I’ve adopted a 75 lb 8-month-old “puppy” but his lunacy is already normal to me…No.  I’m talking about something life-changing but not TOO insane.  I’m working towards it…I’m not ready to make the leap JUST yet, but it’s coming.  I’m 37-fucking-years old…this life of monotonous routine does not suit me.  I need adventure.  I need the good type of crazy.  I need something to look forward to.  I need to love again…something.  Anything. I’ll start with life and see what else follows suit.


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