Yea, I know. It looks like this is going to be a blog by some crazy-ass divorcee spouting off all her anger and sadness over every failed relationship she’s ever had…Couldn’t be further from the truth. True, I’ve had a lot of the sadness and failures mentioned above — and I assume that will continue throughout my life, regardless of if I end up in a relationship or not…But I decided I need an outlet to refocus and reinvent those emotions into something a little more healthy.
And I’m not a self-help guru, or a professionally licensed counselor/psychiatrist — but I know there are women out there who are in my position…So let me tick off my situation for you and see if you can relate:
- I’m self-made and successful and can pay my own way in life.
- I’m strong, independent and willful and am not willing to accept sub-par relationships, be them platonic or romantic. When I’m in, I’m all in. But don’t mistake that for being a sucker — I give 100% I expect the same in return.
- I’m level-headed and drama-free (except for my internal dramas which I largely keep to myself).
- I’m sarcastic as fuck and never take myself too seriously (except in my professional life)
- I say fuck. A lot. That’s not really a situation but more of a little insight
- I’m 36 (37 next month).
- I want a family one day.
- My clock is ticking.
- And aside from what my exterior portrays, I’ve got a huge heart that I don’t give willingly or easily (unless there’s a puppy or baby involved … then I’m mush) but I am ready to do so.
So that’s essentially my situation summed up in 10 bullets. I like to keep things short and to the point. That said, let me get to the title of this post.
In my eternal struggle to find and grasp clarity in this crazy life, I occasionally have moments of brilliance and I’ve wanted to collaborate with others (women and men alike) on these mind gems…
There are many strong, independent, self-made, single women out there who claim their status as such, puff up their chests (not surgically…well…some do but that’s not the point) and exclaim that they don’t NEED a relationship but that they WANT one but only one that comes in the package they’ve created in their minds…I’m internally raising my hand. I’ve got an ego the size of a god-damned football stadium. But with this inflated sense of self hides MASSIVE insecurities…So what I’ve finally discovered I need to do is get in check with myself. If I really want a relationship, I need to humble myself…because the ego is intimidating and I’m not attracting the right kinds of people. I don’t think it’s far-fetched for me to believe that my ego problem is pretty much an epidemic in the strong woman game. I can’t be the only one. If I can see through my bullshit, others surely can as well. And that leaves all women open to being caught-out in their strong woman game. So I’m starting a conversation. I’m sure there aren’t going to be many followers here in the beginning…hell, there may never be any followers and this may just turn out to be some cathartic outlet for my amazing thoughts and ideas.
I’ve been playing this strong woman game for as long as I can remember. And overall, it’s NOT a facade. I am strong. I am capable. I am independent. But all that can be conveyed by me downplaying the ego, and up-playing the heart. Because out of all the shit I’ve done in life, putting the heart out there is the strongest, bravest, most independent thing I’ve done. And I want to define the Strong Woman Game in these terms…not the pop culture way of over-inflating success and diminishing the importance of the heart. So ladies, game on.