New job? Check. Back in the dating world? Check. Feel like I doused myself in gasoline and ran through a field of dried brush? Check. Metaphor getting lost in my sleep-deprivation? Fuck. Yes.
You know what though? I like it. And life has just taken a turn for the incredible.
I woke up at my usual 4:15am only to find that my morning clients canceled. Decided I could sleep in an hour or so then hit the gym and get my new hectic morning schedule started then realized that I hadn’t actually written in a while…so, I’m going to take this moment of morning silence to throw out a lesson or two.
Yes. I have a new, crazy, wonderful job. It’s amazing how much my life has changed in the last four days. I’m doing what I love, have a team and a supervisor who are fucking awesome, and I’m back in the world of crazy international hours and lack of sleep. Some people would think this type of schedule is insane…I, however, thrive on it. And I’ve missed it terribly. I know I’m only four days in and I’ll hit a wall at some point, but then I have a lot of vacay time to be able to regroup, and get back to it. I have re-arrived.
Compound that with doing the dating thing again…I guess I felt that since I was/am rejoining society, I should probably give myself a bit of slack in what feels like my miserably slow quest for love and companionship. Thing is…THIS life – tight deadlines, late nights and high workloads – is the exact same life I had a year ago when my dating experiences were at the absolute epic worst. So what am I going to do differently? Short answer — EVERYTHING. I’m not sure if this will be a recipe to land a relationship, but it sure as hell will cut down on the selection process. Women should own this process. Listen up:
- I’ll make time for quality…historically I gave everyone a chance…now, you better step to occupy my time or else I’m off your grid. There are no second chances in my world. If I tell you I like you, there’s no misinformation there…and if you feel the same and put effort in, then I’ll reciprocate 10-fold. Otherwise, I have way too many other things that I can be focusing on…and none of them will be you.
- You better open my god-damned door or walk me to my car…historically I let certain manners slide. I dunno if I was feeling feminist or what, but I’m back to my southern roots again. I came to realize that guys who don’t at least show a gesture of manners are too self-absorbed and aren’t really that interested. So, if a guy doesn’t step up his gentleman game, he’s off the list (door opening and car walking are just examples).
- I won’t date your texts.…so pick up the ever-loving, mother fucking phone every now and then. If a guy thinks he can get to know me via short-hand, two-line texts, then he clearly doesn’t want to get to know me at all because I do not have the time in my life to sit there and text back and forth menial bits of information about myself. To know me is to experience me. And my personality, though great in written word (if I do say so myself) can only be extracted from a verbal communication standpoint…My sarcasm is best interpreted face to face.
- If I hear about the drama between you and your ex on our first date, you’re out…On a first date or a getting-to-know-you scenario, I do not need nor want to hear about the intricacies of how your ex-wife or girlfriend screwed you out of money and custody…this is a real-life example, friends. That night I wound up throwing in about two words into the convo and going home and drinking a bottle of wine while lying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor re-evaluating my friendship with the person who set us up. Word to the unwise dudes out there — you better be over your ex before you start getting into the dating world again because women with good heads on their shoulders will not make room for your drama. I get we all have a sad story or two…but unloading all your anger and sadness over your ex WHILE YOU’RE TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP is not the recommended mode of operation. Choose your moments. First dates are for showcasing your GOOD attributes…not your underlying insecurities. That said, thanks for not wasting my time by showing your Ace card so early in the game…2 hours lost is better than getting further into the potential relationship and realizing you’re a needy little bitch.
Time is precious in my world…if I give you mine, it’s like me giving you a million dollars. And I’m looking for the dude who values my time and capitalizes on it by trying to be a part of my world. This time around, I’m more selective than ever. Compound that with a new mindset and renewed sense of direction. To quote Ms. Keys, “This girl is on fire.”