Funny thing about solo road trips…there’s a LOT of time for introspective thought, contemplation and basically sortin’ shit out. This is probably why I avoid drives over 3 hours and have a fuck-ton of audiobooks to distract me from self-reflection. No one wants a raw look at themselves. Most of my ugly cries have been done on long drives because that’s when I acquiesce to emotions that I have pushed far, far down into the depths of whatever soul I have. Sadly, this past weekend’s drive unleashed some feels that came straight out of the blue.So, firstly – My grandfather has been having a hard time. Anyone out there who has to watch the deterioration of a loved one’s life knows that it is most likely the worst thing in this world. Especially one who has been in your life for over…ahem…thirty-some-odd-years…Thus, going to visit my grandparents is bittersweet. I do everything in my power to cherish every second I can get with them. But at the same time, it is not without the knowledge that life has changed significantly in the past few years for them. Toughest thing to watch and, I would imagine, even tougher facing mortality. So all these emotions of nostalgia were running through me on my way back from a fantastic weekend with them. I was just basking in the memory of how my grandmother loves showing me old photos of my family (dating back to the 1800’s!) and how she wants to be taught how to do things on the iPad. And how my grandfather eats essentially everything in sight and weighs less than me and how, now that the roles have changed completely in their relationship, it’s funny how he still thinks he can and should fix things around the house.
Then, all of sudden, I remember how long my grandparents have been married. Nearly sixty-six years. You read that correct. I’ll put it into numbers for you. 66 years. They’ve weathered everything you could possibly weather as a human being. And they did it all without killing each other (well, now that my grandmother is the one who has to take care of my grandfather we’ll see if she lets him stick around for their 67th).
So, naturally, with all this nostalgia floating around in my head, I start to emotionally regress…I started getting this silly thought about my own time here, and, though I’ve lived (and will continue to do so) a pretty adventurous life, I seriously question if I’m going to get to share that with someone. I know, I know. I was married. I had someone…But that didn’t work out. It wasn’t for me. Life is too short to spend it without passion and, without getting personal, that’s essentially the downfall of that.
But it’s a real concern of mine with this timeline nearing the 40-year mark…I KNOW there are women out there my age (or thereabouts) who have the same concerns but I haven’t met or read blogs from any of them. I’ve read blogs from 20-somethings who have the same fears as me and I want to literally reach through my computer into theirs and punch them in their vagina for being whiney babies about their fucking “biological clocks.” Sorry. If you’re ANYWHERE in your 20’s or early 30’s bitching about how you haven’t found “the one,” I’m going to be your voice of reason, so listen up: Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Your youth shouldn’t be wasted on whether or not you’re going to land a relationship much less a husband and family ANY time soon. You should be traveling or reading shit or getting another degree or any other activities that express your freedom and independence that will ultimately develop who you are. You have time. Roll with it.
Look. I know I’m not limited. I can have babies well into my 40’s if I choose. Or adopt. Or surrogacy. I have a million options. What I’m talking about here is good ol’ fashioned love. WHERE does one get some of that? I don’t expect to have a marriage reach 67 years (because I fully expect to be dead in that time-frame)….But sure would be nice to meet someone with that sort of goal. This is not a ‘poor me’ pitch. I don’t NEED a relationship. I have a shit-ton going on in my life. But it would be nice to find someone with whom I have a mutual attraction. Maybe travel with. Maybe. I mean, I gotta like the dude A LOT to intro travel into the relationship. Anyway, just some feels I got along the drive home from visiting my grandparents.
And before any of you married or long-term relationship peeps out there start in on this, let me re-iterate what NOT to say to singles:
- God’s timing is perfect and he’ll put him in your life in his own time.
- You will find someone. They just haven’t shown up yet.
- There’s someone for everyone.
- You’re still young and have plenty of time.
- You will meet someone when you least expect it.
- Use this time to better yourself.
If any of these phrases or anything resembling these phrases are offered up, be prepared for me to unleash as much sarcasm as I can muster to make you feel like the ass that you are for saying them.