WHEN YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE YOU’RE THAT DIVORCEE WHO IS SOUGHT OUT FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE…

unicornI consider myself to be a fairly level-headed person.  I know I’m not without moments of craziness…hell…I’m not only human, I AM a woman.  Additionally, I’m one of the (what I’m guessing to be) millions of women/humans who have been divorced…I’ve had a couple of long-term relationships, followed by a 10-year relationship/marriage, followed by a decent time of non-committal…stuff.  🙂  What I’m getting at here is, essentially, since I was 16, I have been in some sort of committed relationship.  I’m 37.  No one can argue that I’m dedicated AF.  That said,  I have thoughts, ideas and opinions on relationships…but I by no means feel or believe I am an expert on the situation……..I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and wiser (wish Mac had rolling eye emoticon), but it seems that since I’ve been divorced, a great many of my friends have followed suit with a dissolution of their own relationships (marital or otherwise) (not that I started a revolution or anything, however, I just think we’re all “getting to that age…”  whatever that means).  And I get a lot of friends and strangers seeking either advice or sanctuary for their emotional turmoil directly after their relationships up-end.  First and foremost, I’m sincerely flattered and honored that people feel safe enough with me to expose their feelings….Secondly, I’m sincerely confused and baffled that people feel safe enough with me to expose their feelings!  Have you read my blog!?  I’m a no bullshit person.  There’s not much room for bleeding heart sympathy in this chest cavity.  I’m no heartless bastard, but I pretty much keep it real…I often find myself in the precarious situation to where I REALLY want to empathize and FEEL, but I just plain ran out of patience with my own pitiful wallowing so I feel it’s my job to keep others in check with their own.  Suffice it to say, I’m not a bitch…just a realist.

Those of you who have followed/read my blog entries or those who actually know me in real life will understand that I’m not void of emotion…I just compartmentalize it so that it doesn’t make me look like a fucking crazy person.  There are only a select few people in my life who get to witness my “crazy.”

That said,  I don’t have all the answers, and I know you know that.  But I do know that life works out somehow when you put the work in.  It may not be the way you originally intended, or there may be some pretty massive detours, but, for me, keeping my emotions in check have done me more good than harm in life…In fact, when I’ve let my emotions run awry, I feel out of control and uncertain about life…when I can reign my shit in is when I know that, eventually, things will be good.  People ask me right after their breakup ‘how do I go on?.’  And I get that this question is asked in the midst of heartbreak.  Best answer I give people AT THAT MOMENT is that time will give you a little perspective on that exact question so ask me again in a month.  Because that’s when I can give the real answer.  And that answer is —  you don’t have an option.  The option you DO have is HOW you go on.  You can be a miserable, jaded SOB and hate all men/women because you were dumped once or twice, or you can choose to be the best version of yourself and move the fuck on…You’re gonna get hurt again.  If you’re going to bet on anything in life, bet on that.  Life is unforgiving.  So, harness the best part of you, and make it the best life you can and when shit hits the fan again (cuz it will), re-group and repeat.  We get one shot at this.  Don’t fuck yourself over like that last dude/girl did.  Take control over it, live it…and be completely open to whatever happens.  Because this shit ain’t no fairy tale.  Stop watching your RomComs and believing that happily ever after is what you want…sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes  your ‘ever after’ physically beats the living crap out of you…or gets cancer…or loses his/her job…or has emergency life-altering surgery…or up and disappears on  you…or whatever depressing real-life scenario you want to insert…What I’m saying is, careful what you wish for.  May as well cover your bases and just wish for happiness…with or without someone.  And make it the best damned life you possibly can.  If love happens to find you, and you’re open to it, then that’s just icing on the cake, my friend.  Things tend to fall into place when you’re not forcing them to.  If I’ve learned ANYTHING in life…that is the one thing I can die knowing.

I have, for the most of part, my shit handled.  If love finds me, FANTASTIC.  If is doesn’t, I’m still going to do whatever the fuck I want…and I’m not going to regret a damn thing.

This blog has brought me many blessings.  It’s cathartic.  It’s a great outlet for me to dump my life (vague as I can be) into the inter-void.   But the fact that some of my friends and strangers from all over the world actually READ my shit is pretty incredible to me.  And even more so, the fact that some of you out there are brave enough to ask me advice on dating, love, relationships, etc is even more flattering/surprising/wonderful.  I mean, I love to express my opinions…but always remember…they’re my opinions.  Whether you value them or not is up to you 🙂  (also remember I’m right…a lot of the times….still wish Mac had laughing emoticons)

Keep asking me questions, my friends…just expect me to keep it real…no mushy, sugar-coated BS from this gal….

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4 thoughts on “WHEN YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE YOU’RE THAT DIVORCEE WHO IS SOUGHT OUT FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE…

  1. It is the realist that I love in you the most..shit happens…all the time..just expect it..show up and don’t drag it around. If you make a wrong choice..no worries..it will come around again..bigger, badder, and a butt load of greater challenges Find the humor and move the fuck on. Life is one big lesson, one after another..you get multiple of chances to do it right…and if you happen to get it right the first time….then duck because the mother of challenges is headed your way!

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