Yea…so sometimes your lessons come in the form of heartbreak…then when you try again, that lesson comes in the form of disappointment— in yourself. First time, timing…second time…timing…Shame on me. HOWEVER, NO ONE, and I mean no one, should ever lead someone to fall with no intention of catching them…if we’re looking for blame, I’m going with 80% him — I’ll take 20% for actually believing. So, I’m not going into the 411 of the story…because it’s long, it’s sad and frankly, I’m royally pissed at myself for actually summoning hope second time around.
People often ask me how I can be so raw and unassuming on these blogs…the answer is this — what you see is what you get. I have no secrets. I have no dirt to drag up…I own any insecurities and crazies that I have, and I embrace them. They’re a part of me. “Being raw” isn’t really slicing open my flesh and exposing arteries…It’s just being me. And I hate to regurgitate the quote, but in all honesty, if you can’t take me at 100%, then don’t take me at all.
Timing is always a bitch when it comes to relationships…but I will say this, with this dude, I just chose poorly. “On paper” I am everything he wants…but, as the old adage goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. And with this one, I’m done prepping a fucking IV for his fluids…But it hurts. Again. Bad. And that means, ladies and gents, that dating anyone is actually very similar to exposing arteries…the cut hurts like a bitch…but I’m gonna pour some alcohol on that shit and sew it up…My fear is this: when scars heal, the tissue is tougher and harder to cut. This is both a good and a bad thing. It’s an extra layer of protection….but that just means it’s gonna be much harder for the next guy to get through it. Sucks for them.
Please don’t patronize me and tell me that there’s someone out there for me and that I’ll find someone eventually, ya-di-dah-di-dah. i either will or I won’t. I’ve accepted that I left a good man because I didn’t love him anymore and that my fate or karma because of that may be playing out at this moment. But I don’t regret it. Having someone isn’t the goal. Loving someone is.