STUCK…WHY BEING HUMAN SUCKS BALLS A LOT OF THE TIME

downloadThis kid’s situation pretty much sums up my life these days…feeling like I’m stuck in the shitter while someone laughs their ass off and takes time-freezing photos of my precarious situation so they can one day pull out the precious keepsake and show it around to the world to prove how fucked up I was at the time.  So, yea…that’s me–I mean, that’s not ME in the pic, but it’s the metaphorical me–   Stuck amidst all the shit this world can pour down on me and feeling completely overwhelmed on how to start wading out of it.  

And I’m exhausted.  Thoroughly, utterly and completely exhausted (all extremes of the same description really).  I am so ready for some ray of sunshine to break through this BS.  I’m tired of all my blogs saying the exact same damn thing because my mental block cannot chisel past my self-loathing.  I want to be ME again…and this is DEFINITELY not me.

On the outside I’m still the jovial, sarcastic little shit I’ve always been…but everyday I get up and it takes physical effort to form words and wit.  I’m consciously trying to ‘fake it till I make it’ or some crap like that.  I’m definitely taking pro-active steps to get myself out of the funk that I’ve been in, but this whole patience BS has me all twisted.  I’m seeing little to no return on my time investments and I think THAT in and of itself is what is getting me all depressed.  I literally wake up every day, give myself a little pep talk to just make some reaffirmations, then proceed with the life that I’m in…and I am dog tired.

This is such a whiny blog post.  Part of me wants to just  erase the whole damn thing, but the the other part is trying to make a point to the world — the point being that even when shit doesn’t go our way, we still have to be adults and proceed with the life we’re dealt…even if it is (hopefully) a temporary situation.  I cannot WAIT until I can provide some funny antics to you guys again.  Meanwhile…#sorrynotsorry

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5 thoughts on “STUCK…WHY BEING HUMAN SUCKS BALLS A LOT OF THE TIME

  1. Many of us have been where you are. Kind of like a never-ending loop of the same things over and over again. Having a break in routines and perhaps doing something new would help. I think meeting new and different people can be socially good too. Hang out with older folks, they have a great way of giving one some perspective. Hang in there, you are going to make it.

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  2. “when shit doesn’t go our way, we still have to be adults and proceed with the life we’re dealt”

    I think if more people took this approach to life, we’d all be better off.

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  3. You literally wrote…what I’ve felt for the past 4 years…Holding it back the first year or two made the past 2 a version of the twilight zone…I prayed and pepped talked till I was hoarse… then I made some very hard decisions..I thought it would make life better…but I felt more bitter…but kept putting one foot in front of the other…I ran out of energy to hold the resentments and self pity…just required far more energy than I could muster..and still stand upright and smile…so I made small changes and eventually they yielded enough…my heart and head stopped arguing with one another…silence…sweet sweet silence. I’m far from where I would like to be..but I’m better than I was…I understand how you feel…and it truly is shitty…put your focus outside yourself…even if it is only for 20 minutes…be sure to be aware of the people all around you…..It happens to all of us…”feeling shitty” is part of growth…if you can get through it without dismantling your entire life…you get a gold star…it will pass..and it will return…life is great and wonderful, awful, and demanding, sweet and sour. Just remember this….you always get what you always think about the most…if you think about a lack of something…you will get more of it…if you focus on the fun and joy…you get more of it. However …there will just be days when staying in bed feels like it’s the most you can do…so allow yourself a day in bed…then get up the next day and carry on. You are doing everything right…I promise…change will come…it always does…

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