I’m a full believer in being impeccable with one’s word. If you’ve never read the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I highly suggest it. The philosophies are applicable across all elements of life and I honestly think if everyone adopted them and put them into action, we’d have a significant decrease in douchebagism in general…especially dating.
Before I address them, I want to give a shout out to a special lady (PZ, you know who you are) who has indicated to me she’s had a bit of turmoil in the love department. Her situation, much like one I’ve been through in recent past, inspired me to dust off the book again and skim through as a refresher. And boy am I glad I did because so many of you idiots out there need a lesson in how to treat people. I still recommend you read the book, but I’m going to break it down into terminology that hopefully a 2 year old baby monkey would understand. Here goes:
- “Be impeccable with your word.” – aka – don’t say shit you don’t mean. Before you open that pie-hole of yours, take inventory of how you ACTUALLY feel, then say that. Don’t say things to make anyone feel as if you’re either feeding them a load of horseshit or (even worse) make them feel as if they’re actually special to you when you know deep down you’re not that into her/him. Be fucking real. I think dudes believe they have to handle women with kidd gloves (else they snap into stage 5 clingers) so they just spout off flowery words that make the lady fall into the moment so they don’t have to address the awkwardness of saying “I don’t dig you.” I think women are guilty of being WAY too accepting of the BS some men spout off and are led (in that moment) too much by their heart and less by logic. If we were all just honest with ourselves and each other, we’d eliminate about 60% of the drama we’re subconsciously creating. Say what you mean and do what you say. It’s that fucking simple. Stop fucking around with people’s emotions/hearts.
- “Don’t take anything personally.” – My mom and stepfather are recovering drug addicts and alcoholics. I grew up in “the AA/AlaNon world” so I was essentially brainwashed with mantras and sayings that supposedly help struggling addicts and their loved ones get through their shit (I may have just inadvertently discovered why I love wine so much). Some things were a bit out there, but some things stuck with me. And this is one of them: Nothing other people do (i.e. drink, use, not drink, not use) is because of you. People drink, use, treat others like shit, etc because it is a direct projection of their own reality. Not because of something you did, but because of something they perceive is happening in their own world. So stop mourning over whether or not s/he likes you or whether or not s/he finds you attractive….Essentially stop feeling like you have the power to change his/her mind about something. You don’t. Don’t play victim. They’ll have to sort their own shit out. You do you and let that shit roll off your back. It’s not about you.
- “Don’t make assumptions.” — aka stop making up fucking fairy tales and ask the hard questions. I think women are worse at this assumptions bullshit. Men are fairly straight-forward creatures by nature (well, most of them). They’ve only been conditioned to not be so abrupt with women because of our so-called “delicate natures.” Well, sister, you are not a delicate fucking flower. Time to start accepting real talk. And men, do us a solid and just open your mouths and communicate. We should all be CLEAR about our intentions so as to avoid any misconstrual of a situation. Knowing where one stands can potentially mitigate any sadness and drama in the future.
- “Always do your best.” — aka don’t be a lazy fucktard. Give life your all so that when shit doesn’t work out, you can look at yourself in the mirror and accept the outcome with grace. Typically when people start out in a relationship they have butterflies and they go in guns blazing and all things rainbows and unicorns…then, naturally, the unicorns disappear to wherever the elusive unicorn goes, rainbows fade and you run out of ammo…HOWEVER, in the moment those butterflies die (man I’m killing off a lot of magical creatures), take inventory of what you DO have and do whatever you can to keep that relationship thriving. All things end one way or another…but when it does, don’t you want to go out knowing you did your best? Regret is a fucking bitch. If someone really likes you, they should be doing their damnedest to make your realize it. If they’re not, they’re (a) not operating at their highest potential and/or (b) essentially showing you they don’t care enough for you to put forth the effort. Don’t ever settle. Find someone who is striving to do their best at all times.
I’m fairly certain a 2-year-old baby monkey could grasp these concepts as I explained them…But remember, these truths are not just for dating. They’re applicable (more so) to life in general. I just thought I’d spin ’em up a bit as it relates to dating…So, go out there, be impeccable with your word and say what you mean; don’t take things personally because no one has the power to make you do or feel except you; don’t assume a dude/gal likes you just because s/he pays a lot of attention to you (that shit can turn on a dime); and just keep doing the best you can with what you’re given. Even if your best one day is the bare minimum…it’s still your best for that day.
Peace, love, prosperity and all that shit.