I’m super diligent. I’m extremely pro-active. I’ve been exerting a fuck-ton of energy into an endeavor for about 4 months now…a door opened, but then seemingly shut. Radio silence. A promise made, then disappeared with no explanation. I’m baffled. And deflated. I had a whole week of happiness…only to be right back to where I was before. I’m mad. I’m frustrated. I’m ready to let some heads roll….And for all of you who tell me to ‘let go and let God,’ or that ‘good things come to those who wait,’ or some other iteration of rhetorical folly, hold your tongues because you don’t want me to unleash my diatribe of ‘fuck yous’ or launch a Hiroshima-sized nuclear bomb into your rainbow-and-unicorn-filled world. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m frustrated and mostly pissed at myself. And, NO! This has zero association with my dating life.
I guess I need to vent more than anything, but I do have my extreme doubts on this whole ‘patience is a virtue’ thing. Why can’t ‘consideration for other people’s time and effort’ be a virtue, huh? Don’t get me wrong. I can wait until the apocalypse if I know the outcome and have an understanding and the reassurance of completion…but I struggle immensely with a verbal promise and no follow through. Especially if my livelihood and happiness are on the line. I know, I know. I could be experiencing one of life’s INFINITE amount of disappointments…again… And ‘this too shall pass’ and whatever…but fuck if I don’t expend an enormous amount of effort into this endeavor only to be met with roadblock after roadblock….It’s exhausting. It sucks out every ounce of happiness/joy I have in life and I’m losing faith little by little.
There needs to be a big life change…I’m talking epic proportions.