You know that old adage that sarcasm is a defense mechanism (some say against stupid people, some say against fear, against vulnerability, etc…)?  Well, I’m here to defend that adage…And any person fluent in sarcasm better not deny what I’m about to say…I’m being real here, so STFU and learn something about yourself.  Just be introspective, ok?

If anyone ever wanted to get to know me, or any other sarcastic asshole out there, here is the 411 on reasons why we are hardly ever serious.

Sarcasm Masks Our Insecurity

BUSTED!  Yea, I just went there.  I’m not saying we’re all insecure and we’re secretly dying inside; but I am saying that we use humor as a vehicle to re-direct the vicious thoughts about certain aspects of ourselves.  i.e. struggling success, body image, loneliness, etc.  Because I’m in PR, I’m going to make us sound like emotionally healthy people for doing this.  Here goes:  Though we have these insecurities, we’re choosing not to dwell on them and to not take ourselves too seriously through the use of humor.  Now, there are those sarcastic assholes who pick on specific people and redirect their insecurities onto seemingly innocent people (‘seemingly’ because I’m sure at some level they deserve a bit of raking).  True sarcastic people shun those mean sarcastics.  We’re not here to bully — we’re just here to say funny shit so we don’t have to sit and worry about ourselves…

Sarcasm to Shield Us from Vulnerability

Oh yea.  This is a big one.  Why the hell would any living, breathing person WANT to be vulnerable?  I mean, I get that we are at times…but we don’t desire it.  And sarcastic people have an uncanny ability to build up walls so that we don’t get hurt.  I’m not saying we CAN’T get hurt (as seen from some of my previous blogs)…sometimes our sarcastic super powers fail us and we actually catch feelings.  But by and large, we try to avoid those fuckers.  Feels = potential heartbreak = freaking the fuck out over foreign emotions = one crazy bitch (see blog post re my heartbreak).  So, to keep ourselves from really dwelling on the feels, we try to make light of situations through clever diversions.

Sarcasm as Impression Management

I have to say, I’ve done some reading on this and I found a quote by some DC therapist (his name is Steven Stosny, but I don’t think he’s famous or anything…he just said something pretty cool).  He said, “Sarcastic people protect themselves by only letting the world see a superficial part of who they are…they’re very much into impression management.”  Hence, that automatically becomes one of my sarcasm categories because, as much as it sounds shallow, it’s true.  We don’t want the world to know how human we actually are…we save that for special people in our lives.  It’s not that we’re not REAL…it’s simply that we’re picking and choosing who we allow into our realities…there’s quite enough drama in the world around us…we don’t need to add to it with our personal crises.  We want to seem put together to our acquaintances…even if we have cracks in our persona, we only allow certain people to see those…to the rest of the world, we’re bullet proof.

Sarcasm…Because It’s Legal…Unlike Murder or Assault

I had to add this because I know I’ve mentioned words like ‘murder’ and ‘punching people in the throat’ somewhere in my blog…And just because I say it doesn’t mean I’ll do it or actually condone it.  To be fair, we really do have a strong aversion towards abject stupidity – so the adage that sarcasm is a defense mechanism against stupidity is a very true and real statement.  Sarcastic people, if they’re really healthy in their sarcasm, will run at the mouth about bodily harm to stupid people…but we’re just letting off steam.  Unlike ACTUAL murderers or violent people, sarcastic people tend to express their extreme anger with statements like:

I mean, as a healthy sarcastic, I have to say that I find that hilarious.  If I said this to someone who didn’t know me they’d probably fear the bejeezus out of me; HOWEVER, a good saracastic will know his/her audience and can understand that saying this to someone like, oh, a cop, your father or the TSA, might not go over well.  So we sarcastics use our WORDS to get our anger out…in the form of humor.  But, make note:  we are JUST JOKING (*we hate having to qualify ourselves like this, btw).

Finally, Sarcasm as Plain Ol’ Humor

It has been proven over and over again (somewhere) that sarcastic people are always the most interesting conversation partners at parties and events (and, because I’m single and biased, I’ll add in dating partners as well).  We quip and don’t take ourselves too seriously, therefore, unfortunately for SUPER SERIOUS people, we don’t take certain situations or other people too serious either.  Sometimes we find that being funny is much better than getting bogged down in reality.  Sarcastic people just want to lighten the mood most of the time.  Now, don’t mistake us for punsters (cuz we’re not) or jokesters (completely different than sarcasm).  We’re not those people.  In fact, we’ll probably have sarcastic comments about those types…They’re not bad people…just not as good as us (seeeeeee…do I need to qualify this???).  Puns (which I personally abhor) and jokes (a little more tolerable) are for some people…and the beauty about this world is there are literally BILLIONS of individual personalities out there…someone is gonna love you, punster….I promise.  Just not me.

OK…so some people who read my blogs might not understand at first why I divert with sarcasm…now, you should have better insight on (a) my blog format and (b) the world in general.  You’re welcome.