TOP 5 DUMBEST QUESTIONS: CLE SERIES ON WHAT NOT TO SAY

1328638232959_8002330I know there are millions of stupid questions that people ask every day…but this entry is honing in on five that I hear repeatedly and make me feel like slapping a bitch.  If you are a human being, you should just stop asking these questions in these scenarios…period.  Let’s jump right in, shall we?

  1. “How’s it going?”  – I don’t know why this specifically annoys me; maybe it’s because 90% of the situations this question is asked in require meaningless and short answers that no one really gives a fuck about.  i.e. The elevator: someone gets on and feels the need to ask this question, knowing that (a) they don’t know this person and (b) they really don’t want an answer….they’re just making small talk until they reach their floor.  I mean, what would happen if you asked this question, and the person legitimately starts unloading all the happiness or sadness that is GOING for them at that moment?  I think I’m going to start going into long-ass stories next time I’m asked this in this setting, making the questioner feel REAL uncomfortable if they have to stop me mid-sentence just to get off the elevator.  Scenario 2 for this question typically involves two people walking past each other.  In this situation it’s an even DUMBER question because you literally have less than 2 seconds to answer — how can you possibly convey how you’re doing in that amount of time?  The other 10% of the time this question is asked the responder legitimately has time to go into a story or two of what’s going on in their life.  i.e. at a party, at a networking event, at someone’s house…So, unless you, the questioner, has time to receive a comprehensive answer to this question, just fucking say ‘hi’ and be done with it.  If you feel the need to acknowledge someone but don’t have time or desire for a REAL answer, a simple ‘hello’ will more than suffice.  Half the time I don’t want to talk to people in the elevators anyway.  Unless it’s a hot dude…in which case talking may still be the last thing I want to do…:-)
  2. “You’re so amazing.  Why are you single?” – fuck you for giving me a compliment and doubting my ability to hold down a relationship at the same time.  This question, often preempted by a praise of some sort, is the douchiest question you can ever ask a person (guys and gals equally).  I don’t care if you’re legitimately wanting a serious answer, you’ve just seemingly passive-aggressively questioned our sanity– because any strong, independent person with half a semblance of a personality and has their shit together MUST have a serious flaw that keeps us from companionship.
  3. “Are you ok?” – I can think of a million scenarios where this is asked but the situations that specifically annoy me are when:
    • Someone is bleeding profusely – No, idiot, they’re clearly about die — so NOT ok.  Just call 911 or something.
    • Someone is crying hard after heartbreak – No, not ok…My heart has just been shattered by some fuck-twat who can’t see my worth. The answer is pretty obvious so I’m gonna need a minute.
    • Someone trips and falls then gets up and continues to walk – Of course they’re ok.  CLEARLY the fall didn’t hinder their ability to get to the next bar or marijuana dispensary/dealer (because that’s clearly where all people who fall are headed or coming from).
    • Someone waiting in a waiting room of some sort for maybe longer than expected – yeah, they’re fine.  Unless a zombie apocalypse started up in that lobby, I think they’re going to survive…maybe a little pissed for the time wasting but that doesn’t mean their well-being is shot or they’re going to die of dehydration/starvation.
    • Someone gets a papercut (another recently relevant 0ne) – Clearly they’re going to be ok…unless they kill over from the sight of a drop of blood, I don’t think a papercut is a legitimate concern.
  4. “What are you doing?” – DO NOT under any circumstance, ask this question if the answer is blatantly apparent.  i.e. in the grocery store, at the movies, at work, at a car dealership, etc…Because you ask someone like me this question, the answer is probably going to make you feel dumb…because that just turned into my number one goal.
  5. “Do you want bacon?” – The answer is ‘Always’.  Probably the dumbest question out there (and if they don’t like bacon you have every right to ask #3).

 

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4 thoughts on “TOP 5 DUMBEST QUESTIONS: CLE SERIES ON WHAT NOT TO SAY

  1. I’m so guilty of “How’s it going”! The difference is, I really want an answer with substance. I abhor small talk and as I get older and more ornery, tend not to speak with people who don’t offer substance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is nothing wrong with being who you are in the moment you are in. Some folks have expectations of you that you don’t have for yourself. Bacon is almost, always good except in something like Jell-O. Be yourself, whoever that might be. I would rather someone ask me a dumb question because they care than to not ask at all.

    Liked by 1 person

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