I’m back to the land of reality. Jesus, it’s hard as fuck to be surrounded by all that makes me anxious and sad and nostalgic.
So Iceland — what an incredibly beautiful country. I cannot even begin to describe how insane the landscape was/is. It was on my bucket list to see the Aurora Borealis…and I did. And it was everything. I climbed volcanoes, slid down volcanoes on my ass, met some cool people, took some amazing pics, hiked waterfalls, drove over insane terrain…It was definitely a vacation for the books.
But, here I am, back to life. A life I really needed a break from…and now that I’m back, I realize that there are so many things that need to change…pronto. I won’t go into many specifics because, well, it is the interweb 🙂 But most important of all, I need a head change. You see, once upon a time there was this guy (let’s call him guy#1)…and we had a physical relationship…and that’s all I ever thought it was…so one day I found another guy (call him guy#2) who looked at me like I was more than just sex, and I started seeing guy#2…I was honest with guy#1 about it but come to find out, he had been interested in me in more than a physical way, too. I didn’t know. He never told me. And I liked him. But I had already committed to someone else. Well, guy#2 lost his damn mind and I had to let him go…Guy#1 and I started up again…but apparently he was hurt…so he hurt me back…even though I had NEVER intended to hurt him because I had NO CLUE he was interested. So last night I erased his number…my first attempt in erasing him from my life. Because every time he shows up in it, I get sad…and I don’t want to be sad. I want to be in control of my emotions. And with him…I’m not.
So, yea, even strong women get a bit love-sick. It’s sorta what makes us human, I guess. I’m going to falter…a lot…and I’m going to feel sick to my heart…most likely more than once…and I may hang my head for a little bit, run 5 miles at an insane pace, listen to sappy/crappy music, dwell a little on the pain….but I WILL pick my head back up, and I will laugh, and I will still throw in some gangsta’ rap and I will count my blessings…Because this, too, shall pass… (I’m still gonna try and run an insane 5-miler, tho).