So I’m taking inventory….finally. There have been a few people I personally know that I have peripherally kept in my life for one reason or another. Some date back to the stone age (i.e. when I was younger) and some are more recent acquaintances. I’ve kept one tiny, minute portion of my pinky finger on their pulse just because I felt that if I let go they’d never have the opportunity to reach out…then suddenly, in a flash of absolute brilliance (sarcasm noted), I realized — they’re not even checking my pulse. I’M the one keeping them there. They’re doing jack shit to stay in my life. My efforts are wasted. So here’s the lesson:
Even when you push someone to the far corners of your brain or heart, you’ve not really erased them. You’re keeping them there with the small hope that they’ll care enough to be a part of your life. And even if you don’t think this is energy spent, they’re taking up valuable real estate in your body (suddenly had the vision of body-snatchers but that’s cuz I don’t know if I’m capable of not inserting comic relief; even visually) and this space is probably the most important space you own…so demolish their existence in your life. (I’m not talking actual murder, because that’s illegal…just metaphorically run them down in your head). I’m announcing to the world that I am freeing up my heart and mind and social media (because let’s face it, in this day and age, SM is just an extension of one’s soul) of all the space being used by people who I thought cared but, come to find out, they don’t give a fuck about you, maaaan! If you never hear from me, it’s because I freed myself of the space you were taking up in my life. This process is not easy…it requires murdering long-held hope (permission granted to murder ‘hope’)….and it always sucks when hope dies, even if you are the one to throw the switch. But, lots of things die and we keep moving forward. So, if you’re struggling with needing recognition or communication from someone who hasn’t provided that to you in ages….though releasing them at first will sting a bit, in the long run, you’ll realize just how much more open your heart can be for people who actually DO care.
I’ve wanted this blog to be a comic (if not at least a distraction) relief from not only my daily life but for readers who either relate to or need a break from their own. Meanwhile, in the background, I got shit to sort out and sometimes the two lives sorta merge onto this page. So I struggle with revealing the genuinely nice person that I am vs. writing to my readers’ preferences. But, at the end of the day, I have nothing to prove to any of you fuckers so sarcasm wins 🙂 So I’ll end with this summation: Don’t keep anyone around (either proverbially, physically or emotionally) who wouldn’t (and hasn’t) made any effort to be a part of your life. You only look and feel like a crazy ass bitch by allowing them to take up space in your world, no matter how minute it is. Crazy ass bitch drops mike.